This has been a challenge for me to write. It might be tough for some of you to read. It is, however, important for me to get this down into words. I’m ending my time as a Nordic Combined athlete - retiring, moving on, hanging them up, pick which phrase you like. I prefer to see the next chapters as continuations of the incredible journey that this sport brought me on. This ride has been unimaginable. I know enough now to not even attempt to guess the future, but I'm confident that this sport and community will continue to have a substantial impact on me. I want to be clear that I’m leaving this sport without an inkling of bitterness. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished as an athlete, and even more grateful for the way this sport has shaped who I am. Nonetheless, I have a few clear reasons for my decisions, which I need to outline for all our sakes. By the end of this, I hope that the many people who have stood beside me through my journey will understand. I also hope that this is enough to leave my current teammates and coaches behind. This has been a part of the decision that has weighed heavily on me, but ultimately, I can’t succeed in an individual sport without personal motivations. Here are, to the best of my abilities, a few condensed points outlining my decision. 1. Improvement My foremost criteria for remaining a full-time athlete has been my ability to demonstrate improvement. As long as an athlete is improving, he’s going to get where he or she wants to in a matter of time. On the jump in particular, I haven’t been able to maintain satisfactory improvement over the past few years. Certainly, a few of my best jumps might have been in training this year, but almost none of them came this winter. Beyond just this winter, I’ve struggled to reach my jumping goals for years. I don't need to list off every box that I haven’t ticked, but it is safe to say that I haven’t met most of the performance goals that I’ve written since making the National Team in 2012. 2. Belief My point here isn’t to say that I’ve failed. Looking back on my career, it certainly doesn’t feel that way to me. I have no regrets for pursuing something I love, and that’s success in itself. However, I longer have the confidence in myself to say, “this is the year...I’m really going to figure out jumping now.” With few exceptions, I’ve thought that every spring for most of this decade. Perhaps there is some secret that I’m missing, that’s going to click and it’ll come to me. But after trying so many times, I have trouble believing this anymore. I’m too rationale for that. This is probably heartbreaking for many of you to read – all of you who really do believe in me and want me to succeed. Trust me, I was there, for years, and it only takes a few good days a year for me to think I’ve found the light. But unlike you, I’ve lived through every World Cup I didn’t qualify for, every COC starting the race in bib 48, every time trial where, well, the race was good, jumping’s not there yet. I’ve done this, over-and-over, the majority of the time. A certain amount of frustration (actually a good deal) followed by just a bit of reward, is enough to keep me coming back. But right now, to believe that this will change next year, or the year after, is beyond my ability. If you’re not convinced, try looking up the definition of insanity. 3. Fun and Excitement These aforementioned trials and tribulations don’t always appear on the blog or social media or make the dinner conversation. As I move on, they certainly don’t define my career, but I don’t want to live them anymore. I don’t need the highlight of my weekends to be warming up for jumping, when I’m still excited and optimistic, to be followed by more struggles, not again, but yes again, feelings of helplessness, incompetence, more of a bystander than a competitor in the main event. Moreover, I’m realizing that ski jumping is so often such a challenge for me that it’s often not fun, even in training. I’ve had some awesome times ski jumping, both with and without a bib on, but less and less so now. Instead, it’s more of a grind, a struggle against some unknown force keeping me from doing what I want to do, reverting to the mistakes that are so ingrained into my muscle memory. Ski jumping has become too repetitive, a deja-vue of treadmill steps forward and back. Ultimately, it’s just not as exciting for me as it should be. I lose sleep for all sorts of reasons thinking about this sport, but I can’t recall many recent nights where I was just too damn excited to ski jump. That’s an intangible that I can’t catch. 4. Self-identity I’ve done my best not to attach who I am as a human to where I fall on the result sheet. My greatest mentor, Bill Demong, preaches and practices this more than anyone I know. If it wasn’t for him teaching me this, I would probably really be struggling right now. Despite my lack of confidence in my abilities as a Nordic Combined skier, I have plenty of confidence for my future because of who I am. Our sport psychologist once asked me to be come up with the deep, intrinsic reasons why I love this sport. It shouldn’t be any easy task, but when you’re not winning medals, you need these reasons. These are the important whys for doing this and reflecting upon them now is as important as then. The sense of commitment, towards one cause, with a group of like-minded highly motivated individuals is a pleasure that I always cherished. I wasn’t committed just to winning medals, fame or glory, but to be the best I could be. The only flaw here is that this identity was entirely as a Nordic Combined skier. When I don’t see that best getting any higher, how can I possibly have the same passion? Ultimately, if I wrap my entirety into being a Nordic Combined skier, but I don’t see improvement, it feels like I'm stagnating, not growing as a person. I know this isn’t true, but I want the opportunity to broaden my identity. This reflection hasn’t been easy. It didn't roll out as clearly as it seemed in my mind during listless early mornings. I hope that you can see that I’m taking everything I can from this sport, and excited for many more experiences moving forward. Please don’t read this and be disappointed. Read this and know how fortunate I am to be sitting where I am reflecting on my experiences. A look back into the archives of this blog is proof enough of the infinitely positive influence that Nordic Combined has had on me. Know that it’s because of you, all of you, reading this, that I’ve had these opportunities. You should be proud of yourself, as a supporter of a very lucky guy. I hear there’s a great big world out there. For now, I’ll get my feet wet and see if I learn to swim. One thing is for sure, I haven’t lost my love for staying active. If you want to find me, as much now as ever, look for the mountains. And now, here are a few fun photos to leave you with.
25 Comments
Pam Craker
4/12/2018 01:59:06 pm
So incredibly proud of you Adam, not just as a Nordic Combined athlete but for the person you are. I was happy to always support you and look forward to supporting you in your next adventures. You have that “love life” attitude and love for nature. I know you will continue to be the best role model for Ben. HAPPY TRAILS!
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Tami Jastrow
4/12/2018 02:08:45 pm
God bless you on your future journey! You have grown into such an amazing young man & you have represented your family, home club and your nation with strength, grace & dignity over your career. You have truly done Eau Claire, Wisconsin & your nordic family proud!!!
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:52:02 pm
Thank you Tami! You're too kind!
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Geoff
4/12/2018 02:24:11 pm
Adam,
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:53:02 pm
Thank you so much Geoff! You (and One Way) have been so good to me! I hope to keep the relationship going!
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Pat Arnone
4/12/2018 03:08:30 pm
All the best in your future endeavors. It has been a pleasure to watch you grow and succeed. Hope to see you around.
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:53:26 pm
Thank you Pat! Definitely will be seeing you around!
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Adam,
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:54:19 pm
Hi Don,
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Millie Flanagan
4/13/2018 10:31:11 am
So happy for you Adam :). We have enjoyed being along for the ride and can’t wait to hear of your adventures to come. Your words are heartfelt and honest and beautiful. A gift to all who have the privilege of reading them. Thank you. Love the Ciao picture with Bode in it :). Be sure to stop by for a beer on the back deck at the new house when your in town.
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:57:38 pm
Hi Millie, thank you so much! It's been great getting to know you guys. I'm sure I'll be stopping in the 'boat some. I'll come by!
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4/13/2018 10:35:41 am
Wishing you the best! Looking forward to hearing about your next endeavors. Cliff recently graduated and got a great engineering job in Durango, where he’s actually closing on the purchase of a 3-BR townhouse this month. And he has an awesome girlfriend. So there is “life,” full of worthy challenges and successes, after Nordic Combined. (The one thing he misses though is ski jumping.) I read that happiness is a measure of one’s capacity to solve life’s inevitable problems. Your past NC pursuit will serve you well in your capacity, and thus confidence, to face future problems. I know it’s done Cliff really well. But of course the initial grieving and adjustment is inevitable also. Allow yourself time. It took Cliff almost a year.
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Adam
4/14/2018 03:57:16 pm
Susana, thank you so much! Yes, I'm sure adjusting will take a bit of time but their are plenty of shining examples like Cliff of success after our sport ends!
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Jennie Frenette
4/13/2018 02:56:23 pm
Adam,
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Adam
4/14/2018 04:00:44 pm
Jennie,
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Nina Brandt
4/13/2018 04:38:13 pm
Adam
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Adam
4/14/2018 04:01:24 pm
Hi Nina and Bill,
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Ann Hayes
4/13/2018 08:15:14 pm
Hey Adam, so incredibly proud of you every step of the way. I have known you since the first day on the hill. You are an amazing person, competitor, athlete, and most importantly . . . human. Love your spirit and writing. You have an amazing future in a million different places. . . the only question is . . . where to go from here? Life is full of gifts. Congratulations on an amazing career and best of luck in the next. Love from Eau Claire
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Adam
4/14/2018 04:04:09 pm
Hi Ann,
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Betty Johnson
4/14/2018 07:42:45 pm
t has been nice following you in your skiing and I wish you the best in what is yet to come. God is with you each and every day and every step along the way.
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Craig Ward
4/14/2018 08:03:10 pm
Adam: Thanks for your wonderful introspection....a very tough thing to do, but every athlete that retires has to do it, one way or another! You were always a terrific athlete for Michael to compete against, to live and play and train together. You will look back at these years as "the best"....for indeed they were formative and challenging.....and, like you say, nothing to be ashamed of and leaving with no bitterness. Steel is forged in a hot caldron....and so it is with character. You will be forever grateful for your time spent pursuing Nordic Combined..and you will always be proud of the way you gave it your all, in the heat of the battle.
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Adam
4/15/2018 06:09:29 am
Thanks Craig, for this and all you've done! I'm certainly lucky to have connected with Michael and you and Becky along the way. We should definitely plan a trip back to the Aspen huts sometime! Hope to see you soon.
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Chuck O’Connell
4/16/2018 09:46:56 pm
Best of luck Adam wherever your journeys take you. It’s been so fun for us to have been a part of your Nordic Combined adventures! All the best! The O’Connells
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Dan DeLestry
4/18/2018 06:44:16 am
Adam,
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Adam
4/19/2018 07:30:47 am
Dan,
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